A big ass rat and the bliss after effort

These days have been somewhat tranquil; I wake up early, go to the greenhouse, do some work, then I get home, get a hot shower that ends with cold water (I'm getting used to it, it's starting to get easier after a few weeks) and sleep for 2-3 hours only to get up dizzy and get back to work at the office for a couple more hours and, with the time that remains, either socialize or get with my guitar studies/talk with my priest friend/fiancée.

It is tiresome, but there are no other options. It is what it is.

At first, when I started juggling with the phd, the greenhouse and the lawyer work I got immensely overwhelmed; I was working a lot of hours, even on weekends, only to find myself in a precarious economical situation while my peers were traveling, going to fancy sites and so on. I was angry and jealous about the people that got it easier, so I decided to quit social media and start looking inwards. 

As time went by, I started noticing the bearing fruit of the seeds I was planting; more work at the lawyer firm, milestones at the academic level (book chapters, getting some recognition), my relationship with the greenhouse and nature shifting from a punishment towards a part of my life that actually helped me building character and appreciating my surroundings and all the efforts and details my beloved ones did for me - it made me grateful in a way, even when I do hate it from time to time.

But this noticing hasn't killed the struggle nor the desire for a better tomorrow; instead it pumped more gasoline into the flame. I am excited about this tomorrow I am building, which isn't exactly the one that I initially imagined, but is the one that remains. There is no other option than to keep pushing, to fuel the hunger, not for my ego (but sometimes it is for my ego), but rather to honor my faith and my ancestors, who sacrificed everything to give me the tools needed to rise and shine as the morning star.

I cannot speed up the process if I want to be consistent with my principles; quality over quantity; honesty, hard work and earned recognition amongst my peers and my clients. That takes time, because it's valuable and hard to achieve but volatile to lose. Financial stability will come, same as my health, eventually.

 What does this stream of thoughts have to do with the title of the post? Nothing really, or maybe something; the truth is that today my father told me that he saw a big ass rat at the greenhouse, as big as a rabbit, and we both laughed. We were both exhausted due to the severe heat and the effort made until that moment, but there was this feeling of comradery, of respect earned through countless hours of working towards a common goal: harvesting a fuckton of peppers.

I then realized that our relationship evolved exponentially during these last years, and while it is not perfect nor good in a regular sense, it has become healthy; we are two grown men viewing life through the lens our generational context provided us, and while disagreeing some times, we have come to terms and I earned his respect, which is something.

After this I went out of the greenhouse when the heat was truly unbearable to be hugged by the sun rays and the birds. I felt so happy about the effort made and the chores that were finished. My body was tired and even it was hurt in some areas, but I was cheerful.

Tomorrow I will repeat this cycle, because that's how life is for now. And I've grown to like it.

There is nothing new under the sun, and, to be honest, it isn't as bad.