Under The Juniper Tree

The emptiness hasn't fade away this time. In fact, today I was almost unable to concentrate at work; I spent the whole morning distracted, only being able to push some minor tasks and 2 pages of my thesis. It is also true that the work load has diminished drastically, which I consider something neutral, as I have income coming related to easy task I can easily maneuver over. The pain has reduced, I only have a minor limping that I hope will not interfere with my normal life after this week - yoga is helping a lot. Also summer has officially started and it's fucking hell in here. I hate summer. I hate humidity. It drains my will to live; I wake up in the middle of the night sweating and going out feels like a trip to the first circle of hell. Two more months of this won't help cheering me up, considering that the pepper season starts in like two weeks. Fundamentally, I feel tired. Still, today I went to cut my hair and trim my beard and I had a really good time with the barb...

 This week has been a conjunction of ups and downs; starting with the latest events, today I was recorded singing at mass with the choir on television, which was fine, except for the fact that we were fucking sweating our souls out due to the heat. Desert perks I guess.   Yesterday I went to the beach with some friends, which*- was also nice, and later on I went to my grandparents house to have dinner and watch the bullfighting, but also to help grrampa go to bed, since he's not able to do so on his own since last week. And basically during this week my body has been getting used to the new posture derived from the new insoles configuration. I think it's better than the prior one, and have to practice yoga on a daily basis has helped me understand my body more and also gave me time to focus on my body and the insoles themselves. I think I've come to something. The next check at the doctor is at july 15th, a day prior to the Virgin of the Mount Carmel festivity. Let's se...

I am writing these lines in terrible pain, yet my spirits are high. Let me explain myself. This week a lot of things happened, being the most important one that my body collapsed. Yet again. It's been a while since the last time it happened. Still, I decided to find a solution so I asked the podiatrist for a new appointment, and she received me.  To start with, this time I wasn't charged a dime, which was a good start. And then she told me about the actual improvements that the insole correction brought, that are many, and that are bringing me closer to a final solution. Really close it seems. So, in my calculations of someone desperate for fire, I forgot a little detail; changing my way of walking and the weight distribution to my legs and back would obviously create an issue, and as the changes implemented were quite a few, the result was me screaming like a rat, but closer to my goal. This pain shall pass. The body needs to accommodate to this new-better-but-still-not-right ...

 The Tower is a major arcana in the tarot context; it reflects God crushing false hopes and ideas so something true can grow out of it. The lightning that destroys the tower is so bright that it blinds the person, who think that they are in the purest form of darkness. The eye needs time to get used to it. To see through it.  Sometimes we need to get destroyed from our false ideas, our egos to get crushed, our lifes to be shattered into pieces, so something new can emerge.  As for the other days tantrum, I still feel entitled about it. It is true that now, in a calmer perspective, I thought about the current state of affairs and, in spite of this inconvenience and pain regarding my right leg, I think I am actually closer to total healing than I was before the correction. As for the money, that still sucks, but I guess that it is what it is. I will get it back. The law firm is going good, clients are coming and I won last weeks procedure, in which the judge told me I was b...

The shoe insoles came the other day. All the expectation and build up I felt during may, crystalized in a single moment of truth. I got charged 95 euros. No one told me about that, I thought the appointment was included in the original price. I tried them. They were uncomfortable. It was normal I guessed. The thing is that now my right leg screams in pain. The left one is better than before, that's for sure, but the right one is awful. So, everything was for nothing. The prayer, the mass, everything, was a chimera. Maybe everything was false after all. It's 2 am. I feel devastated, writing these lines as tears go by my cheeks. I've lost my faith. I even considered suicide, just as a glimpse and during less than a second, but there is that. I am  defeated. I do not know how to keep trying, how to correct this issue, nor who could help me with it. I am tired, exhausted, broken. There is no someone in the sky. Teresa created an entire cosmos for coping with her illness.  It...

Weeks ago I promised to tell the story of that time I visited St. Teresa's tomb in march 2025, so here goes nothing: I had to speak in an international congress in Salamanca this march, so I tried to plan the trip; where to go, what to visit, etc, and I found out that Alba de Tormes (the town where St. Teresa died) was doable. I paid for an extra day at the hotel and waited excited for the day to come, as the routine of greenhouse-office-repeat was kinda getting me down at the moment. A mystical breath of fresh air would do. The day arrived and I woke up at 2 am for a 2ish hour long car trip to Granada. I had to pick the train at 6, but I wanted to drive slow and have everything prepared, so I woke up naturally, and with 1.5 hours of sleep, I departed.  Just as a curious fact, when I was arriving to Granada I saw something that looked like a dismembered torso of a person. It was 4 am. I pushed the accelerator.  I arrived to Granada, and the 3 hour (more like 4 hour) long train...