Maybe the sky was empty after all

The shoe insoles came the other day. All the expectation and build up I felt during may, crystalized in a single moment of truth. I got charged 95 euros. No one told me about that, I thought the appointment was included in the original price. I tried them. They were uncomfortable. It was normal I guessed.

The thing is that now my right leg screams in pain. The left one is better than before, that's for sure, but the right one is awful.

So, everything was for nothing. The prayer, the mass, everything, was a chimera.

Maybe everything was false after all. It's 2 am. I feel devastated, writing these lines as tears go by my cheeks. I've lost my faith. I even considered suicide, just as a glimpse and during less than a second, but there is that. I am  defeated. I do not know how to keep trying, how to correct this issue, nor who could help me with it. I am tired, exhausted, broken.

There is no someone in the sky. Teresa created an entire cosmos for coping with her illness. 

It's over.

Tomorrow the sun will rise again. Tomorrow I will have to wake up  and decide what to do about the current state of affairs, but for now I weep. I weep quietly, from within, with earnest. This isn't fair. 

I fooled myself into believing that suffering would have an end.

I feel so stupid, so betrayed, so blatantly powerless. 

I am screaming quietly, for these hardships are more than I can bear, for my strength is dim and my volition shattered.

I just want this to end. To wake up to a functioning body.

You cruel being, I've been asking years for this yet I only received false hopes and pain.

You will hear no more from me. 

I am alone again, as I've always been.