A plastic water heater and the seek of silence

These days have been interesting, not because anything interesting happened in particular, but rather due to the fact that almost nothing happened in the great scheme of things. But something has changed, at least a bit.

I am willingly disconnecting my earphones now at the greenhouse; I feel the "noise" of youtube videos awful and stringent, so after my program is over, I just go for the silence and the usual small talk with my father that comes alongside it. And it feels nice; my mind gets blank, focused on the topic at hand, an idea that sprouts or just random thoughts while doing manual labor. It feels nice.

Not only this, but I also left my earphones at the car for the first time in a while, and when I go through the street, walking wherever, I do not feel the urge to wear those or look to my phone. It is true that I do it from time to time, that there is still a battle to win, but the improvement has been monstrous. 

And all I had to do was forcing myself through something uncomfortable. 

It feels great to notice the change, not because I feel like a Temu version of the Unabomber, but because I feel more capable and, ultimately, free, as I am being able to sculpt myself, pebble by pebble. 

And still, I got anxious and mad because I got myself a plastic water heater instead of a stainless steel one; I got confused when I had to buy it, I was on some sort of a consumerist trance or simple I didn't pay enough attention to the page after a long day of buying stuff for my new home with my fiancée (we are going to live together after 5.5 years from june onwards if everything goes fine).

The thing is that when I noticed I became totally schizo; generations of inherited poverty mindset made me really conscious about money spending, so my natural reaction was to fix it as soon as possible. I called the store consumer's agent, went to the physical site, for a cardboard box to send the package back when I still have 29 more days to send them the package... you know the idea.

Inner castle this, looking inwards that, only God suffices there, but then I get bonkers for 15 euro. Oh boy, I have so much to learn, so much to grow, and so much to think about.

Tomorrow I will fix this issue, I will get the money back and forget about the plastic water heater after buying the stainless steel one, but this situation will set a precedent for myself. 

There is work to be done and many fails in between.