The harvest is coming to an end

Finally the peppers are over. One more year we battled against weather, plagues and wild animals, and now there is very little remaining, just to clean the greenhouses to prepare the earth for the next cycle.

I can remember clearly when I was a teenager, working under the summer sun, whining about it. It feels like it happened yesterday. Not because my life has been exactly the same during all this time, but rather due to an abstract feeling of nothingness attached to nature; the cycles of growth and decay repeat, everything feels eternal, the plants, the land, the sun,the effort we put onto it.

Realizing about this brought me mixed feelings; on one hand, it feels amazing to be able to get lost in this ecosystem that has nothing to do with wars, societal changes nor bizarre politics, to feel the very same feelings my ancestors did while listening to the birds chirp, the insects fly and the spiders trying to run away from a olive-skin colossus. It brings peace, after so long, to be able to flow with the heat, the sun, the moon, to be present.

On the other hand, I feel like Sisyphus, which isn't exactly a bad thing (right now, it was not long ago); the progress in some areas of my life from a year to another aren't that noticeable, I feel stuck, unable to change the prevailing conditions, like a pawn of a structure much greater than myself that I cannot change no matter what.

Honestly, I'm scared of becoming like some old friends of mine, to whom time hasn't past at all; their whole life became a charade of resignation towards the current state of affairs and they stopped fighting; they didn't develop any interests besides being consumed through doomscroll and videogames. I'm worried about being trapped in this sort of bootleg Samsara I just described, where nothing changes until it does, and it's for worse.

The silence is starting to become lighter, I even enjoy paying attention to the trees and the details on the buildings that surround me; even the bugs and spiders' patters are interesting enough.

The birds don't ask about how long will this go on, they just get into the greenhouse through the smallest open in the plastic, they eat and fly away. Hell if even rats are capable of dodge the poison to eat the juiciest peppers and don't think about the possibility of not being able to do so ever again,why am I full of resentment, frustrated expectations and bitterness.

I guess I have way too much to learn.